Citing The Obvious

It's been a long time since I posted, but since so many amends and creations have begun this week- I decided to give it a jab. Oh, and I needed some stuff I wrote 4 years ago for a self-reflective comparison exercise.

It's all going well. I believe the last time I posted was about one year, one month ago. I don't know if I wrote a fleeing goodbye- I didn't even check yet- I just wanted to write for a second about something other than politics and progressive issues.

I know what I want to do now, which is a huge accomplishment. I'm not the best at it, but I learn. I still believe that the best teachers are the students who struggle because they understand the learning process and how difficult it can be sometimes. That mantra definitely keeps me going.

I write in paragraphs now and spell cool properly. I'm also not so upset with my real name anymore, in fact, some days it seems like the world only knows me as "Antoinette" and not as "Toni".

I'm not (as) psyco. I take all my passion and drive it into human rights work and political research. I've been misdirecting all these years (ha!) but no really, it works. And it's kind of scary at first, but I love the events I go to, I love who I represent, and I never mind spending a few hours in a lecture some may find boring.

I realized I can't own people, just myself. I realized as much as you love something also have that much ability and willingness to live without it. That's the quintessential Buddhist philosophy. I don't practice Buddhism, in fact I don't practice anything.

I've since reworked a lot of my life out. I'll be going back to Pitt or to Chatham in the fall. CCAC was actually a pretty good 1 1/2 years. Besides some of the things that make me feel like I'm in high school again. I think this time I'll be much more successful. I'm already doing pretty alright.

My family situation is out of my hands and I don't even bother or try to. They live states away from me now and can't just show up on my doorstep anymore.

So, I write stuff on 20dc.com http://20dc.com/profile.php?user=liberalredhead and ProgressiveU (not so much yet, I mostly make comments...) http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/antoinette-davis and on Barack Obama's site http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/blog/antoinettedavis Each has their own individual unique purpose, but you know, thought I'd share.

All that's said now,
I hope everyone is doing well. There needs to be more hours in a week because I literally can't get everything done and see everyone. Sometimes I get rather neglectful.
I'm mostly on facebook/gmail now. Play Scrabulous or some shit with me =) one piece of advice though: do not play with stingrays. Not only do they have stingers but they jump out of the water and the blow will kill you. Also, buy your friend a mushabelly.

-Toni

I worked and went to a foie gras protest this weekend.
I hung with a very cool lady who makes the world better. And it hit me how I'm alright. How you have to do things for yourself. I also had a good conversation with another cool lady yesterday. Everything's going to be alright.

I have my education project to finish and the rest of my life to complete mending. I had a crazy spell. But I think tons of therapy, dancing, and yelling at people selling and eating diseased liver somehow did the trick. (That or Barack Obama-rama is rubbing off on me).

I drank a lot of red wine and a had a good conversation with a good friend last night. I didn't go to bed sad, despite being nostalgic. I slept the entire night.
I also became an aunt this past weekend. AND I got approval for field experience next semester. I get to go do 50 or so hours of observation at public high schools in the area. So now I just have to research and see what schools/subjects I want to go to and all that fun stuff. My clearances have come in. This is exciting.

I lj-cut to keep it quiet.

If you have ever really wondered. Well, it's all written down in here.

I wonder why I am so honest sometimes about things. I don't have time to keep hiding. I've been acting strange. I wish I had a better explanation. I wish it was more graceful sounding. I wish I had more time to explain it but I want to exhaust it out of my system before work. So here you go. This is not required reading. And you wouldn't believe how unbelievably better I feel after scribbling it all down.

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Also Fiji had a coup, I don't think anyone noticed. It needed more cowbell and bloodshed.

It's supposed to snow today. I hope you have a wonderful day.

CariDee won TopModel!! Suck it Melrose. Thank God Eugena didn't win. The fashion runway show looked like something only Tyra and her couple people were there for. It looked fake and awful. But the blonde curse is finally broken.

As projected, I do now officially hate people questioning me about Harry Potter 7. Yes, you can reserve it, NO there is no title or release date and NO you cannot reserve 50 copies. Wizard whores every last one of 'em.

To Finish:

Globalization - 2 papers, 1 final test
Foundations of Education- 1 final project
Cultural Anthropology- 2 papers, 2 tests, 1 homework assignment
Current Issues in Education- 1 paper, 3 tests


THEN I am DONE with this fucking semester.

(I like doing college applications. I derive sexual pleasure from it, dare I say.)

If you fucking hate me, fucking say so and do not fucking say to my face you want to fucking be friend when you fucking don't. Fucking stop talking shit on me. Awesome. We're good now.

If you asked me a year ago if I would be smoking cigarettes, walking down South Highland to find some sort of fountain, completely alone and listening to Lakme,
I would have told you that you are batshit crazy.


I wish I ate healthier and smoked less. I wish I slept. I notice my journal is becoming more of wishes than of anything I have really done. That's life as you get older, correct?

I spent a lot of time at work this week, hoping I would die (but not waiting for the bus, like by paper cut or something.) This creepy guy was at the bus stop with me while I waited for over a half hour. I was alert but, honestly, I am so shocked I haven't fallen asleep in the bus shelter with as little sleep and nutrition I get. Somehow I am the only one who hasn't gotten the mysterious cough flu going around.
School 8-2 work 3-11 and then I am dying. Five work days in a row is too damn much.

We are allowed to take pre-orders for Harry Potter 7 now. I have a feeling by the end of the week I am going to hate that little wizard bastard.

Only in America can there be Hufu, Kim Possible porn, people angry about the word nigga and babies making babies.

If I had a mini-flag this is the point where I would be waving it.

You've got to click where you want to go...

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I hope if you care about someone, you tell them. I hope if you love someone, you tell them. It's not a car accident that made me think of this, it's just everything and everyone I've lost throughout life. I wish I had answers about greater meanings and significances, but truthfully, I don't think there is a higher calling or a greater meaning. I think life is just losing and loving people and you can't expect anything more. It's frightening and lonely and all we can do is our best. I really, really wish you a wonderful day.

Sweet I finalized my class schedule for CCAC next semester and no Fridays AWESOME. I have class at 9:30 every day day though. I honestly couldn't find any classes that I could take that were three day a week class- even all the language classes were set up 2 days a week (?? I know, they usually at most schools are 3-5 days a week). Oh well. I didn't get the exact schedule I wanted either, b but that's okay. It's as followed:

Monday & Wednesday:
Spanish- 9:30-10:45
Modern Political Thought- 1:00-2:15


Tuesday & Thursday:
US History 1- 9:30-10:45
MacroEcon: 11:00-12:15

online:
Pysch, Intro to Sociology, and Edu. 202: Instructional Technology

You know what blows? The fact that I took the APs for a number of classes I have taken at CCAC but they don't count since I transferred from another institution. Seriously, fuck the fact I have to retake these goddamn classes and that they don't offer anything above a 200 level. At least there's only one semester left of this crap. My original schedule was supposed to be Psych on Monday/Wednesday from 3-4:15 and Soc on Tuesday/Thursday from 1-2:15. Both sections were cancelled so my advisor just put me in for the online ones. This all might change. Oh man, I cannot wait to get out of this school.


And E! has been playing "Election" a lot this week and I have watched it at least three times. Peace.

I haven't spent so much time in one building I've worked at since the Great Freight era of my life.
I can tell it is going to end up that way too. I will love and lose in the same place. We already are a family with given nicknames. I can already tell who is going to quit in a couple weeks and who the abrasive personality ones are.
And we all hate "Walking on the Sun" by Smashmouth. A lot in common really.

(and for the stuff you don't really care about. Actually I am positive less than five people even gloss over my entries haha)
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On another note,
How about them elections? I am a little mind-blown to be honest. I really hope they don't fuck this up. I am shocked D-Feld (aka Rummy) stepped down. Like OH-EM-GEE. No, but seriously, no one saw that one coming. I recieved 10 text messages in one minute informing me of the joyous news. I have nothing on the new guy yet. He's probably a douche- yay preconcieved notions!! I thought the House elections were going to be super close and Dems would just squeak by. My favorite moment of the election counting was BY FAR
Santorum conceding within an hour. His children were crying. And did anyone else find incredibly creepy that his daughter was wearing the same outfit as her doll? I did. He has six children. Damn. His speech was pleasant to watch. And the daily show and colbert report live combo episode was amazing. Actually this entire week of those two has been superb. Stephen Colbert's silent word was great (and the Tek Jansen theme song is so classy.) Also, the Daily Show had this segment about Absentee Ballots that was hilarious and made me love Jason Jones even more than I already do.
My least favorite moment of the post-election was the girl crying in my class about Santorum. She said that I was going to rub it in her face and be mean to her, but I just shrugged my shoulders and said some people win and some people lose and then took my seat. It's not worth fighting about once the election is decided.
The best part is once the results are in and with this particular election more so than any election I can recall, I felt this extreme calm just wash over all the television pundits (on both sides). You can tell that people were humbled.
People don't want to be in war. People don't want corruption. People don't want lack of accountability. People don't want wasteful spending.
I think it's funny how so many pundits are shocked that a number of people said the economy is bad. I am glad there was some sort of change. Let's keep it going.


Last night was incredibly interesting. It was alright. I remember practically all of it and was dizzy most of it. There was much booty grinding to be had and kids I didn't know, kids I would have fucked, and kids I really wanted to kick out.
I missed Andrew Bird and I even had it marked on my calendar (boo). It's probably better I didn't go. I took care of kids with more alcohol in their blood than mine (I don't know how that was even possible) and I was well behaved. No babies. Can't afford that.


I really can't get over Santorum's daughter wearing the same outfit as her doll. Fucking creepy.

(Note on the side: if you get a chance, check out the Jesus Camp documentary trailer. Cannot wait to see this movie.)

In approximately forty eight hours, it will be the midterm elections.

I don’t remember the 2002 midterm elections very well, but that’s not the point.

I encourage all to vote.

If you want a domestic-issue reason, go because of No Child Left Behind. It’s a piece of legislation, which is theory provides some good ideas, like accountability, but has an awful way of implementing it and just doesn’t understand how education works. I’ll tell you that standardized testing is now starting at Head Start and beyond. Most elementary students now have Friday as “testing day” for hours at a time. I am all for accountability and trust me I would love for every kid by first grade to be the best goddamn reader, but taking standardized tests, especially at such a young age, is a farce. These standards that they also want to implement are MEDIOCRE at very best. Also, everyone with special needs must be mainstreamed (put into regular classrooms and this means teachers who have 25 kids in her class could have anywhere from 1 to 10 kids with special needs, and according to law there are 15 different types of special needs ranging from autism to emotional distress to mental retardation to deaf to gifted) LRE (Least Restrictive Environments- basically how long they can chill with other students and still meet all their educational, emotional, physical and mental needs) can be a good thing (especially emotionally for mentally challenged students), but it is often taken too far (and the educational and/or other needs suffer) or in the case of gifted children- not far enough (and giving the smart kids more worksheets to do doesn’t count and also gifted children often need a lot of emotional support.)

My solution for the education system is to simply have more teachers and small class sizes (like 10:1 ratio). You would solve a lot of behavioral issues and teachers could gain a closer relationship with the students. Just obnoxiously testing and saying the tests determines whether or not someone is a good teacher is asinine. Oh yeah, and kids who are foreign exchange students (most come primarily to practice their English) and ELL students (who struggle if they don’t get any special attention) also must take these tests. The policy is so out of touch. Having highly qualified teachers and accountability IS a great thing, but if you don’t give the schools the resources (which includes not only money but bodies) it’s just stressful and creates an awful learning environment.

If you want a foreign policy reason, just look at Iraq.

David Letterman said it best:
”We felt like we wanted to do something, because something terrible had been done to us. We did not understand exactly why, all we knew was something terrible, something heinous, something obscene had been done to us. So, while it didn't necessarily make as much sense to go in to Iraq as it did perhaps to go into Afghanistan, I like most everybody else felt like, yes, we need to do something. We need to do something. And as the weeks turned into months, turned into years, and one death became a dozen deaths became a hundred deaths became a thousand deaths, then we began to realize, you know what, maybe we're causing more trouble over there than the whole effort has been worth.”

Iraq is a disaster fuck. I don’t what is worse, honestly, just leave now or continue to stay. I say if we decide the latter, we inevitably need more troops, less war-profiteering, more sacrifice and more influence and help from other countries. It is a civil war. Sectarian violence means civil war. No one wants Iraq to break up. Especially those countries in the Middle East. If the Kurds want their own autonomous government and sovereign nation called “Kurdistan” and they split from Iraqi, areas in Turkey and other nearby countries will split as well, creating more widespread tension and animosity than already exists.
The solution to Iraq all lies in economy. If people had manual labor work they could create decent, stable environments. Men wouldn’t have to go to militias to get money. People can be bought. Everyone has a price. Militia might give you money, but also may provide you with death. A stable job that provides intrinsic and extrinsic rewards creates self-purpose and one feels like they have contributed and created an identity in which they share with others. The desire to be apart of a militia and risk death is severely weakened. It would take awhile but over time, it could possibly work.

The war has been so grossly mismanaged I am sure you can just google all you need to know.

The list of reasons to vote is long and quite extensive. Pork barrel legislation, Military Commissions Act of 2006 (so long sweet habeus corpus), torture, lack of accountability, lack of any concern for the country, slacking off on the job, lying, etc. the list goes on. This current Congress is a big piece of shit and we all know it. I can’t guarantee that Democrats or Independents will be better, but I have reason to believe whoever comes in next can’t possibly fuck it up more.

And if for some reason every election goes Republican, let’s start a riot.

And for some reason or another, I still have a couple ounces of faith in the American people. If I didn’t, I would have left by now and I wouldn’t even bother wanting to become a social studies teacher. I still think there is good stuffed somewhere in-between fraud and negligence. I think as long as I or anyone else can talk amongst ourselves freely and know of the Constitution, then our democratic republic still works. Don’t get me wrong, I do think things are in dire need of rebuilding and core beliefs of our forefathers mysteriously disappear. I am cynical and Die Bold scares the shit out of me.
But if I go on assuming everyone is an asshole and I mean nothing in democracy, then yes it has completely failed and we can all just go home now. If things get difficult, that is not a good enough god damn reason to stop fucking trying.
I hope things work out in the next 60 or so hours.
But I won’t lie to you- I’m a little frightened.
Espcially after watching "Hacking Democracy".

Ah, well good night and good luck (yay cliche.)